Before I get started with the book review, I’d like to say that I am so glad I discovered Lysa TerKeurst and so many of her books. She has been truly knowledgeable for me personally and professionally. I am not a Christian therapist but her books are written from a Christian perspective. I feel like she shifts much of what she writes to connect with anyone, even those who may not be religious or for those who are more spiritual.
What was the main message or lesson of this book?
One of the main messages of this book is about how broken trust complicates love in many ways that should be comforting. Lysa shares several personal examples of broken trust in her first marriage to people she has worked with business wise and/or friendships that she has had. She is transparent about the trauma that she has experienced from the broken trust, how difficult it was to repair some of the relationships and ways that she coped with the ones she could not repair. Lysa discusses research behind what happens to our brains when trust has been broken and how it can continue to affect the connection you may have with others if not healed. Lysa makes it known that not all distrust should be considered a sign of weakness but a sign of wisdom. There are always reasons for the lack of trust we may have in others based on discernment or whether we are triggered due to unhealed past experiences.
Did you find it inspiring and motivating?
After each chapter Lysa gives a synopsis for each chapter called “One more thing I want you to know.” She sums up the things she would like you to remember from the chapter, scriptures for those who would like to connect biblically and reflection questions to answer. What I found most motivating was in her introduction when she says:
- The trauma of having your trust broken by people you thought would never betray you is life altering. But it doesn’t have to be life ruining.
- God designed our bodies to detect when situations or people are not safe.
- Sometimes distrust is the most appropriate repose there is.
- As humans, we are made for connection. But connection always comes with a risk. (TerKeurst, 2020)
How do I implement what I’ve learned from this book in my practice?
I always respect my clients views on religion and I never force anything religious/spiritual onto anyone who does not want it. I would utilize this book for any of my clients who do share this value and may be struggling with trusting others whether that is mending broken trust in a relationship or healing from past experiences that have created a sense of distrust for others. I am in love with assigning Chapter 2: What is the Feeling….Discernment or a Trigger? To my clients for take home goals (This is what I call “homework” for my clients) Many people along with myself have questioned whether the “feeling” we have of distrust is actually discernment or a past trauma that has been unhealed. She proposes that it’s both. A trigger may mean more healing is needed and discernment may be telling us to take things slow (TerKeurst, 2020). The present discernment means that we may need to investigate. Lysa lists (5) questions to ask yourself so that you are able to reflect on how you may be feeling. I utilize these questions in session with those who are questioning themselves and needing to reflect.
One other thing: Lysa makes it known that if the other person you are in a relationship with, whether it’s a new relationship or one where you are trying to repair broken trust, has an issue with your need for ongoing healing, time, and safety, then that is a telling warning sign. (TerKeurst, 2020)
“I want to trust you, but I don’t” has the potential to empower readers to identify and overcome the questions that they may have regarding trust. It can be quite the challenge when you have been betrayed by people who you believed to be trustworthy but it gives great insight into how to move forward. The strategies outlined allow individuals to embark on a journey of self-discovery and positive change. It’s a worthwhile read for anyone seeking to unlock working through the grief of being betrayed.
TerKeurst, Lysa. I Want to Trust You, but I Don’t: Moving Forward When You’re Skeptical of Others, Afraid of What God Will Allow, and Doubtful of Your Own Discernment. Thomas Nelson, 2020.
