I grew up on the Northside of Omaha, NE and in the black community culturally I was taught to keep anything and everything that transpired in my life between the walls of the house we lived in. Culturally there was always a strong emphasis on resilience and self reliance. If we needed help in any way it was provided from whomever lived in the house I grew up in even if at times that did not seem like the safest place.
In really hard times my mother would take us to a small Black Catholic Church called St. Benedict the Moor to assist with the needs of our family. Although this Catholic Church played a crucial role in my life as a child in areas of meeting supportive people, learning how to pray & give my worries to God and overall having a community of people that gave great meaning to my growth as a child but it did not always solve the internal pain felt from my family dynamic.
Therapy has transcended for centuries and there is a deep history behind how long humans have been sharing their inner thoughts and challenges with outside mental health professionals.
There have been many disparities in the mental health system that have made it difficult for certain communities to trust involving someone from the outside into their worlds when they have truly needed the support.
Many people have informed me in session of their misdiagnosis, mistreatments, being exploited by the mental health system and experiencing unethical dilemmas with mental health professionals. This gives a valid understanding of why there may not be a level of trust within different communities. Some of those same experiences I have been exposed to myself. Being a therapist and searching for therapy has been a struggle because the care that has been provided is not always validating to my needs as a professional. I sometimes go in feeling like I have to keep hostage that I am a therapist to see if I will be provided with true intention.
My “why” for therapy truly exists in the thoughts of growing up in a family dynamic where you were not always heard, seen or validated. Where you grew to believe if you were “perfect” people would notice you, want to hear you, want to be with you, want to love you…. I have grown to learn that “perfection” doesn’t get you any of what you truly need and deserve. It’s a mask for the pain you feel. Unknowingly you grow up with this pain and try to find the love you deserve in other things externally: relationships, degrees, careers, etc.
My “why” for therapy truly exists in understanding that as a therapist if I have felt so much pain in my life that there are so many others who have felt the same way.
My “why” for therapy isn’t to paint a picture that the journey is easy, that the journey is for everyone or that the journey will heal all wounds completely. It’s simply to help be a guide to anyone who allows me to walk with them through their pain.
There was once in my childhood we experienced a traumatic event which led the state to become involved, forcing my mother to seek the us therapy. Family therapy was the end goal but the sessions usually were between the therapist and myself. I don’t remember every detail this woman told me but what I do remember is her name and how she made me “feel.” She made me feel validated, heard and seen and I didn’t have to work hard for this. I didn’t have to be “perfect” to receive it.
My “why” for therapy is to give as many people as I can that same “feeling” of being validated, heard and seen leaving the thought of perfection at the door.
